How Intercountry Adoption Causes African Children To Be Unnecessarily Separated From Their Families
I have chosen to not disclose the identities of my sources, in order to protect them from possible retaliation. All of the people that I spoke to are children’s rights advocates working in the region. Apart from working as a freelance writer, I also work as a children’s rights advocate in Uganda. In this piece, I’m not sharing any information that hasn’t already been put out there publicly by Alicia Marie Harding herself.
The current situation
After writing about the Melanie Brechlin case a few weeks ago, I was recently informed about another possible adoption case in Zambia, by a children’s rights advocate in my circles. Again, the ‘adoption journey’ in question is being chronicled on a public Instagram profile — as is often the case.
On September 10 2020, Alicia Marie Harding published an Instagram post in which she announced that she and her family would be fostering a pair of newborn twins in Zambia. In an accompanying blog post that she wrote (which can be found here, on her blog girlgoestoafrica.com), Harding — who works as a missionary nurse — told her followers about how she was working at the clinic one day, when she received a call from a medical officer of a nearby district. The medical officer described an emergency situation in which a mother had just given birth to twins. The mother had passed away after giving birth, leaving behind a total of 8 children. There was no capacity for the family to also look after two vulnerable newborns, who had been welcomed into the world at just 36 weeks old.
Harding wrote about how the twins would live with them for the foreseeable future, but immediately stressed that they would want to eventually adopt the children — if the twins’ family would comply.
From what can be gathered online, Alicia Marie Harding and her husband Craig were apparently asked to temporarily look after the twins. And so, they welcomed them into their home. In her blog post, Harding told her followers about how the children would live with them for the foreseeable future, but immediately stressed that they would want to eventually adopt the children — if their biological family would comply. In fact, just days after Harding and her husband took the twins in, she actively started using the hashtags ‘#momofsix’ and ‘#internationaladoption’ in her Instagram captions.
On January 8, Harding published a series of posts on her Instagram page, in which she further explained how devastated she had been over the fact that the birth father had apparently decided that he wanted the twins back. (“I was their mother, who could take them away from me? The family couldn’t even provide school and enough food for the other 6 children.”) The Harding family had then been approached by their neighbours, who had offered to act as mediators: “[They] were willing to try and talk to them and see if they could help bring understanding between us.”
And so, after the neighbours successfully stepped in, the birth family agreed for the Harding family to keep the babies. At this point, the Hardings decided to seek help from a few liaisons. They then had one of their liaisons make trips to see the twins’ extended family in their home village, after which some of the children’s family members were invited back to the Hardings family home. On her Instagram page, Harding told her followers: “When they saw the real situation, saw how healthy and happy the babies were, they thanked us profusely, and expressed in the most sincere way, their gratitude for saving the twins.” She went on to describe that after a few weeks time, the birth family unanimously agreed for the twins to be adopted by the Harding family, provided that they would be allowed to visit the children on arranged visits, and that the Hardings would bring the twins back to their home village from time to time, to visit their first family.
It can be gathered from Harding’s Instagram profile that not long after, the Harding family had set the legal adoption process in motion. But this time, the government had apparently made objections to the adoption, as “(…) the social worker at the government office” would be taking the babies back — and that decision seemed to be final.
Harding elaborately described how she felt about that decision: “I didn’t care who demanded the babies back, this was NOT the final answer. (…) Apparently, according to the social welfare office it was thought that we had paid the family off, to have them say what we wanted so we could keep the babies. Due to the trafficking problem here in Africa, and specifically Zambia, they would not give us the legal right.” The family’s liaison proceeded to have a two-hour conversation with the highest official in the department, but to no avail. On her Instagram account, Harding expressed her frustration by saying that “(…) there’s got to be another loop hole.”
Before long, however, the tide turned — yet again. Craig Harding went for a meeting with the social welfare office. Prior to that, he had “(…) reached out to some people for advice, who knew other people in powerful positions, who then made a difference in their course of action today”. And so, there was “(…) a 100% turn around”. Harding explained that she wasn’t able to give any further details, due to the sensitivity of the situation. But, “(…) the father and uncle was still on board, and with full support, the social service staff had dad sign his letter of intent, stating that he was releasing his rights”.
And so, the first official steps in the twins’ adoption process were taken at the beginning of January, 2021. Ever since then, Alicia Marie Harding has kept her followers up to date regarding the adoption process — that is currently still ongoing — via a few more posts and her Instagram Stories.
Our concerns
As stated before, I was informed about this case by a children’s rights advocate in my circles, who — after having gone through Harding’s public Instagram posts — had developed growing concerns about the wellbeing of the twins. After looking into the case extensively, I have grown equally concerned.
This American family could have stepped in but taken on a more passive rol. As Harding explained herself on Instagram: “The [birth] family couldn’t even provide school and enough food for the other 6 children.” The Hardings could have offered financial support, or look for an NGO that would be willing to help the family out in long-term care. They could have helped the twins’ family out by purchasing formula, clothing and/or nappies for the newborns, or offer to pay for their school fees as they grow older. Even if it was really necessary for the Harding family to take the twins in, they could have offered one of the twins’ family members to come and live with them for the time being, during the children’s first few months of life — a time that is such a critical period in child development. But instead, the Hardings decided to take over their care completely and utterly, in every aspect.
The Hardings immediately renamed the twins (thereby partially erasing their cultural identities), which — again — shows how eager they were to adopt from the very beginning — despite the fact that the twins’ biological father is very much alive, and has at some stage expressed the desire to look after his newborns.
On her blog, Alicia Marie Harding wrote about how she had been thinking about possibly wanting to adopt, only a few weeks prior to the events that later unfolded: “(…) I asked God that if we were called to that mission, then He would open the doors. End of discussion. One prayer, and then I went on with my life.” Two weeks later, she received the phone call that led her and her husband to take the twins into their home. Harding clearly attributes this to divine intervention. She and her husband immediately decided to rename the twins (thereby partially erasing their cultural identities), which — again — shows how eager they were to adopt from the very beginning — despite the fact that the twins’ biological father is very much alive, and has at some stage expressed the desire to look after his newborns, together with his new partner.
In many African countries, Zambia included, family-based care is something that comes to communities very naturally. If a primary caregiver is no longer able to look after his or her child(ren), there is essentially always someone else available that is willing and able to step in, if asked — sometimes with a little help here and there.
The fact that Harding herself has expressed how she and her husband actively started looking for a loophole in the law, which would allow for them to adopt the children after all, is alarming — to say the least.
Additionally, the fact that Harding herself has expressed how — after the authorities had told the Harding family that the twins would be taken away from them — she and her husband actively started looking for a loophole in the law, which would allow for them to adopt the children after all, is alarming — to say the least. Combine that with the fact that Harding herself admits to the fact that adoption suddenly became possible, after her husband used his connections to “(…) people in powerful positions” — and this entire case starts to reek of unethical adoption.
In one of her posts, Alicia Marie Harding mentioned how the authorities in Zambia at one point accused her and her husband of bribing the twins’ birth father to give his parental rights up. Whether there is any truth to these claims is not for me to decide and should ideally be ruled out by the authorities, by instigating an independent investigation and assessment.
The Harding family has chosen to publicly capture their adoption journey on Instagram, but of course, this is not an isolated case. Over the past few decades, children’s rights advocates in Sub-Saharan Africa have witnessed how intercountry adoption has detracted and disrupted care reform. Intercountry adoption has become a lucrative business in Zambia as well as many other Sub-Saharan African countries, with many vested interests. Unfortunately, when it comes to intercountry adoption in Africa, coercion happens quite often — due to the unfair and unbalanced system of power between the continent and the West.
Additionally, many child rights advocates working in the region — myself included — are of the opinion that efforts should go towards the strengthening of families — which enables children to be cared for in their own families and communities — and preventing unnecessary separation by addressing its root causes, which in most cases are directly related to poverty.
So even if there has been no coercion of the birth father, the question remains whether the twins will be better off with their new, American family in the long run. Many birth parents that find themselves in situations like this — situations in which they potentially feel like they can no longer adequately care for their children, not unlike the twins’ father — face challenges that are due to a lack of finances and resources — not due to a lack of love for their child.
We really advocate for the rights of the African child to be brought up in their birth family whenever possible — with support, if needed — , instead of going for what might seem as the easier option of adoption — which, in the long run, is far more costly for the child and their African family.
We have reached out to the Zambian authorities, but so far haven’t received a response. If you would like to help us ask the authorities to launch an investigation into this matter, please e-mail the Zambian department responsible for (international) adoptions at info@mcdsw.gov.zm, and the US embassy in Zambia at acslusaka@state.gov. The higher the amount of e-mails that they receive, the higher the chances that they will make an effort to look into the case. Thanks in advance.
Monday, May 10th:
On Sunday March 9, Alicia Marie Harding left a comment on this article that said the following:
Charlotte, I would like to know how you tried to contact me. I've never heard or seen your name before, and just in case I missed your message somehow, checked all my inboxes and don't have any record of you reaching out.But the most important issue at hand here... is the wellbeing of the twins, and handling the damage that has been done due to creating a story based on untruth.What you didn't include in your story, and other facts that I believe make a huge difference are these...1) We do NOT believe in breaking up families. We have helped many orphan children by supporting their community. But this was a critically time sensitive issue that was brought to us and we chose to help in a way that would help the vulnerable babies survive.Before we even met the twins, I asked the lady on the very first phone call what they were asking us to do, to keep the babies temporarily or permenantly. We wanted to be prepared for either, and thier reply was that the need for adoption was a possibility. We didnt take these babies away from thier home. They were literally handed to us by the father and social worker in our home. We didn't seek them out.2) In an effort build a healthy and positive relatioship with the family, we have a schedule throughout the year to meet with both sides of the family. We have already financially covered travel, lodging and meals to the father, aunts and uncles multiple times so they could spend time in our home and with the babies. We have also agreed to continue to make trips to the village so they can connect there.3) At 3 months WE initiated reaching out to the social worker to contact the extended family to see if they wanted the babies back or if we should start with the adoption. We realize it would be harder for the babies to adjust back to a very vulnerable village life the older they got, and wanted to make that transition as early as possible. NO ONE in the family would/could take them were ALL supportive of them staying in our home.4) The ONLY time any family member wanted the babies back was when they thought someone else was getting money of out if, and when lies were circulating that the children were being sold for body parts to be used in witch craft. Since that has been cleared, there has been NO one in their community to keep the babies. We even offered to supply them with formula if they did.5) Since my last posts, the father has abandoned his other children and no one has been able to reach him.6) It is very typical when you do help some families in these situations, that supplies, food, clothing, or bedding provided, is sold for money and then ran off with by a family member. And the children it was inteded for never get the benefits. It has happened to us previously with other orphaned children cared for by the grandmother.7) You talk about the trauma these newborns have of leaving the village home. If they had been children, that would have been different. They didn't know their home. We were the only home they ever had. Their mother died at birth, the babies spent a 3 nights in the hospital, and spent only 1 night with an overwhlemed grandma before they came to us. We were called because the health dept and social welfare said the babies would not survive in that invironment and there was no one else who would take them.8) There seems to be an issue with us naming them. Niether the mother nor the father gave them a name, and the social worker asked us what we wanted to name them. We inlcuded a Tongan name to honor thier tribe and heritage.9) There are other parts of this story that dramtically effected the adoption process and decisions that were made that are too sensitive to share here or on my IG, and niether should I have to.10) We never looked for a loophole in the law as you stated. "loop-hole" might have been the wrong choice of word, but our intent was to find someone who would stand by us WITHIN the law, when the officials wanted to take the babies, not back to their family, but away from us due ungrounded reasons (child trafficing cases, and other reasons I can't disclose to protect the persons involved.)I would like to ask you, and all those that read this story... Is it rasism to love your neighbor as yourself? To give someone that has nothing, inlcuding the risk of loosing their lives, the gift of your heart and home and everything you have? Should that gift be withheld based on the color of their skin or what culture they come from? Could it be, that by giving these children a chance at life, and love, education and opportunity that they would never have in their current situation, that they could go back to their communities one day and make a bigger impact in their communities and country than we ever could or ever will? If we are blessed with anything, what good does it do if we can't use those recourses to bless others? This is what we chose to do. And I would humbly ask that you share the rest of the story for others to know.
My response to that statement:
We did, in fact, reach out to Alicia Marie Harding. Not through our personal Instagram accounts, but through the account of a social welfare project we’re involved in. We contacted Alicia Marie on April 3rd, to try and help her see the bigger picture in what her and her husband are doing. This was duly ignored, and we can provide evidence of this.
We have not enticed anyone into sending hateful messages, and our communication regarding this case has been nothing but appropriate. However, once we don’t receive any response and the story is put out there, we don’t have control over how others will respond to the situation at hand. We don’t condone sending abusive and nasty DMs/emails to Alicia. It isn’t useful, and distracts from the situation to ensure the right thing is done for the twins. If you want to engage in a conversation, please do so in a productive way.
If what Alicia is saying about the father’s departure is true, there are myriad possible explanations for this. The authorities should be the ones looking into this matter. The fact remains that when the twins’ father expressed the desire to look after his children, this should have been seen as a wonderful opportunity to assist and support his whole family to parent the twins. A relatively small investment into the family’s health, wellbeing and material/economic situation would have not only helped the twins and the father, but the whole family. Sadly, Alicia saw a father’s attempt to parent his own twins as a ‘roadblock’ to adoption, rather than — looking at it from a Christian perspective — realigning the situation to God’s natural order of things.
The twins’ father has lost his wife only a few months ago. He, and in fact the whole family, are grieving. The lack of empathy, support and respect that Alicia and her husband have shown for the whole grieving family — which is clearly being displayed on her Instagram account — is incredibly sad, but not uncommon in intercountry adoption. The trauma, stress and worry of losing someone and being left with twins is significant, and families that go through such terrible events need counselling and support — not have their children removed to then be adopted. We have seen no empathy or support for the first family and the situation that these people found themselves in — just a crusade to adopt the twins through ANY means necessary.
Playing out the adoption process online, through one’s social media accounts and without the consent of the twins’ father, shows the imbalance of power and lack of respect in intercountry adoption processes. This man has lost both his wife and his children and yet his situation is being beamed around the world, without his permission. His very personal loss and trauma has been turned into a public circus. This is NOT okay. Did the twins’ father give written permission to Alicia for sharing photos of the twins, their community, etc.? We highly doubt it.
The father, the twins and their extended family should discreetly and privately be turned into the centre of an intervention to support them through this tragedy. The center stage should not be taken by white, privileged missionaries who have turned adopting the twins into an online crusade.
We hope and actively encourage EVERYONE involved in this process to 1) ensure that the twins are taken back to their father, extended family and/or their community, 2) ensure that the father and family are provided with the right emotional, health and economic support that ensures the twins are safe, healthy and protected, 3) make sure that the family’s privacy is respected as they parent the twins and are given the space to grieve the loss of a loved one. We also hope that Alicia and her family support the father and the twins, and take the time to step back from social media and reflect on the damaging nature of intercountry adoption. There is a large amount of information on this topic out there, that isn’t hard to get your hands on.
